It was a muggy spring morning. I was nervous. Getting ready for a brand-new experience can be both exciting and intimidating. I anxiously laid out my lingerie sets and deep V-cut dress for a final inspection before neatly tucking them away in my tote bag. I needed these pieces to be pristine. I grabbed some lipstick before I left, even though I was expected to show up makeup-less because professional makeup would be provided. I never leave the house without lipstick on. It’s muscle memory at this point.
After years of dreaming about it, putting it off, and making excuses, I was finally about to do it. I was about to achieve one of my greatest fantasies – being the star model of a boudoir photoshoot.
I had done everything to be extra prepared. I thoughtfully picked out my wardrobe, I was keeping a consistent skincare routine, and made sure I did squat exercises in the weeks leading up to the shoot. I researched similar photos of people I admire like Janet Jackson, the late Anna Nicole Smith, and a myriad of curvaceous women who look like me. I had just returned from a trip to Arizona where I took some energizing hikes in the desert sun.
As I walked into the studio, I was feeling confident.
But there was that little voice in my head that kept questioning this decision: Am I really about to do this? Me? The girl who had tried (and failed) to carefully calculate her every move since college? Was I ready to let that perfectionist sh*t go and be my bold, free self?
What is boudoir photography?
The technical definition of the French-derived term boudoir is “a woman's dressing room, bedroom, or private sitting room.” The beginnings of boudoir photography can be traced back to the 1890s in France, though it was deemed too salacious for public consumption at the time. In the early 1900s, the works of photographer Albert Arthur Allen helped to popularize this niche artform.
What inspired me to do this type of shoot?
When looking at the vast history of boudoir-inspired photography, you will find very few Black women models – and even fewer voluptuous models. Nowadays, there are size-inclusive boudoir photographers who cater to women of all shapes, including my photographer, Portrait by Chrissy Boudoir. Unfortunately, they still seem few and far between.
So, when I stepped into the studio for my shoot, those lingering questions and doubts started to fade away. I wasn’t doing this as a gift for a significant other nor the male gaze (though there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being inspired by those things) – I was doing it to liberate myself and other marginalized women who don’t fit the mold of stale European beauty standards. In my own way, I needed to show that we all hold unique powers within our bodies, and that celebrating sexuality in all its forms is not shameful or indecent.
I believe people of every race, gender, and body type deserve to be able to express their sensual nature. This belief clashes with the dense narratives of those who are awash in anti-fat bias, patriarchal tropes, and racial stereotypes.
My shoot was a full workout. There is a level of toughness and physical stamina that is necessary to exude effortless elegance. After makeup, I changed into my pieces and paired them with an assortment of robes, lighting, and backdrops as the morning went on. My photographer was the perfect coach and cheerleader as I gained more confidence with every pose. At the end of the shoot, I thought to myself: “Damn, that was really cool. I am a badass.”
I’m in awe of how graceful and stunning my photos are. So much so that it’s an adventure that I would be willing to take again. It's exhilarating. I figured if I feel this way, maybe I can inspire other women to embrace their inner bombshell, too.
Boudoir photography can be as simple and sultry as you want it to be. If you’re interested in professional photography, I encourage you to start researching boudoir photographers in your area. You can even practice doing your own shoot at home using a ring light. If you have a partner who’s willing to help, that makes it even more fun! You don’t have to seek a professional photographer to enjoy the journey of owning your beauty and sexual prowess.
I challenge you to defy shallow societal limitations and slowly get comfortable with the idea of loving every part of yourself. It won’t be easy. But there’s no greater feeling than stepping into your badass era like I have.
Was I ready to let that perfectionist sh*t go and be my bold, free self?
The answer was a resounding yes. And you are, too.
Comments